All I’ve ever wanted in life was to be a mother. As a child, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always “a mom.” I remember sitting in a rocking chair at 3 years old, “nursing” my baby doll to sleep. I always carried baby dolls with me throughout my childhood, and starting at age 11, I would offer to babysit for people within my neighborhood and church congregation FOR FREE.
I’ve never taken the time to write down our infertility journey. I guess in a way I
wanted to forget that it ever happened, but I know that by sharing the painful parts of our lives is where we can do the most to help others who may be experiencing something similar.
As a child, I asked to hold all the babies and I was the queen of babysitting. When I was a teenager, I couldn’t wait to be a mom. In fact, if I am totally honest, I wanted to be a mom way more than I ever wanted to be a wife. Is that bad to say?
Imagine the ocean during a storm. The sheer violence churning around your life raft. Your carefully constructed, barely holding together, life raft. Eventually, you're pitched into the icy swells and you sink down into the nothing.