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Losing something you never had. 

That’s how I can best describe my infertility journey. When you are a planner like me, you have this unrealistic way of life that everything will work out exactly how you have planned. I’ve always wanted kids. I quit college because I knew the career I was going into would pull me away from my family-yet here I am with no family. My husband and I have been TRYING to conceive for almost 3 years now, but married for 5 years and never used any sort of contraception. Honestly for the first two years, we just thought we had a good pull-out game -- jokes on us! (You should laugh about that. We do.) When I finally broke down and called a specialist about not being able to conceive I really just thought they would tell me we have had bad timing...every single cycle for 3 years and I would be on my merry little way. When it became more than that, I was speechless. There was so much about it that was familiar to me. Almost like I had always known this would a trial for me. But then I was devastated. 

"It's strange, because with your levels where they're at, you should be able to conceive...no problem." My fertility doctors told me this a handful of times, and each time they did, I had to fight rolling my eyes. Because there we were...two years trying on our own and six months into doing fertility treatments: WITH NO RESULTS. No pregnancies, no miscarriages, nothing.

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