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I’ll start with the end of the story: as I write this there is a precious 8-week-old baby boy napping in his crib. When I think about all the different struggles that I’ve had and what my story actually is, there are so many parts that felt impossible, or like the struggle wouldn’t be worth the result. After the fact, I now put my baby to bed every night telling him that struggle was part of his story and that we are grateful for the miracle that he is. I would do it again if I had to, even now that I know how hard it was.

My husband and I struggled with infertility due to my PCOS diagnosis. I found out I had PCOS in September of 2015. I was working as a personal trainer at the time and was having a really tough time with weight gain and energy crashes. As I am sure you can imagine, being a personal trainer that is gaining unhealthy weight is not good for business. I worked out 5-6 days and week. I tracked my food. And I could not get it under control.

My husband and I got married in the fall of 2008. Our plan was to eventually have kids and we never thought twice about it being a big deal. I remember us talking early on in our marriage about how we wanted two or three kids because we each had two siblings and wanted our children to have similar experiences. The thought of having a family and being the Mom I always knew I wanted to be was exciting!

Losing something you never had. 

That’s how I can best describe my infertility journey. When you are a planner like me, you have this unrealistic way of life that everything will work out exactly how you have planned. I’ve always wanted kids. I quit college because I knew the career I was going into would pull me away from my family-yet here I am with no family. My husband and I have been TRYING to conceive for almost 3 years now, but married for 5 years and never used any sort of contraception. Honestly for the first two years, we just thought we had a good pull-out game -- jokes on us! (You should laugh about that. We do.) When I finally broke down and called a specialist about not being able to conceive I really just thought they would tell me we have had bad timing...every single cycle for 3 years and I would be on my merry little way. When it became more than that, I was speechless. There was so much about it that was familiar to me. Almost like I had always known this would a trial for me. But then I was devastated. 

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