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Rachel Beiting's Infertility Journey

☀️ CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BEST SOCKS ON THE PLANET TO HELP WOMEN WITH INFERTILITY! A portion of every single sale will go to an incredible woman experiencing infertility. They make the BEST gifts for women experiencing infertility to remind them they are loved OR to wear to your own appointments while working hard to grow your family to remind you that you have this community of women linking arms with you. You are incredible, sister!

CLICK HERE to join our safe, private Facebook group to meet other incredible women who are walking your path. ☀️

Read Rachel's Story here:

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All my life, I dreamed of having a little brunette baby with a head full of hair and big brown eyes. What I didn’t know, is how much I needed a little, spunky, red head to go with her. I thought I had a pretty good plan for my life, but looking back, I can honestly say I’m happy that this life hasn’t gone according to MY plans.

Blighted Ovum

Blighted ovum was once a medical term that my husband and I knew nothing about.  Unfortunately, in 2014, we quickly learned exactly what it meant.  It was a sunny, Friday afternoon and we were scheduled to leave for Florida, to attend a family wedding.

We had to stop by our OB’s office on the way out of town, because I had found out that I was pregnant a few weeks prior.  I was 10 weeks along and it was our first appointment.   We were on cloud nine.  We were in a place in our lives where we really felt ready for children.  Joel had been with the construction company that he was working for, for eight years and I was in my first year of teaching.  We felt like we had it all and a baby was going to be the perfect addition to our family.

I vividly remember walking into the office and there was a lady standing outside crying.  She was on the phone and from briefly hearing her conversation, I knew that she had lost her baby.  I remember feeling sad for her, not knowing that I would soon be experiencing that same grief.

The nurse came into the exam room and gave us a goody bag of essentials we would need, while preparing for a baby.  She asked us questions, checked all of my vitals and quickly left, telling us that our doctor would be in shortly.  Our OB then entered the room and proceeded to do an ultrasound.  It wasn’t long before we knew that something was wrong.

We quickly saw an empty sac.  At that very moment my heart felt just as empty.  Our OB explained to us what blighted ovum was. She then drew blood and let us know that she would call to confirm that this was not a viable pregnancy.  Unfortunately, I still held on to hope that she was wrong.  We decided in that moment to carry on with our vacation, as the situation was out of our hands.

We got a call the next morning, while in Florida, and our worst fears were confirmed.  There was no baby.

Our OB went on to assure us that most couples go on to have a healthy pregnancy after something like this, and that we had nothing to worry about.  Unfortunately, that was not the case for us, and a few months later, we found ourselves grieving another loss.

Miscarriage

Months later, I found myself in the ER because my body was once again unable to carry a baby to term. It was the night before my 29th birthday and instead of celebrating another year of life, I found myself losing a precious one.

I had been at work that day, into the night due to parent teacher conferences.  I had some light cramping and lower back pain throughout the day and while I was of course worried, I tried to attribute it to being on my feet all day.

My conferences were over and the pain continued to intensify.  Teachers were supposed to stay until 7:30 and by 7:00, I knew that I needed to leave.  On my drive home, while having time to think about everything, I just knew that it wasn’t good.  I rushed home and my husband insisted that we head to the ER.

We arrived at the emergency room and by this point the pain was unbearable.  While in the waiting room, the minutes felt like hours.  We were finally taken back to an exam room and after being assessed, the ER doctor came in to perform an ultrasound.  I just knew that we had lost the baby, but to our surprise, the ultrasound confirmed otherwise.  On the screen there was a baby, with a beating heart.

Unfortunately, just hours later in the same exam room, the heartbeat was no longer.  I knew that my body had passed the baby, and another ultrasound confirmed just that.

It’s hard to put into words the heartache and pain that accompanies a miscarriage. While the babies might not have been fully developed in my womb, they were fully developed in my heart. All I ever wanted was to be a mother. Not only did I lose two precious babies, but I was also losing my chance at motherhood.

I quickly became part of the one in four women who have lost their babies. Yes, one in four. That means you most likely have multiple women in your life who know, the often secret heartache, of having a miscarriage.

I wish that I could say we went on to easily have a successful pregnancy, but again, that wasn’t the case.

Infertility Diagnosis 

After almost a year of trying to conceive again without any luck, we chose to seek assistance from a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE).

After less than thirty minutes of being at the fertility clinic, I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and our RE assured us, that she would help us get pregnant again.  It was the first time in years that I felt some sense of hope.  We sat in a small conference room with her and quickly decided that we would try Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) with injections.

Fertility Treatments

Unfortunately, our first round of IUI was unsuccessful.

We completed our second round of IUI and yet again found ourselves grieving another ineffective cycle.

There is a great feeling of loss that accompanies a failed cycle.  While we invested a great amount financially, we invested even more emotionally.  Everything seemed so perfect, yet we still only saw one line on the pregnancy test.  It’s almost odd how hopeful you become, (especially when fertility treatments are involved) even after seeing so many negative tests for years prior.

Our third round of treatment ultimately presented us with some good news.  Yes, we were finally pregnant.  While getting pregnant was our ultimate goal, my fears and anxieties seemed to overrule my excitement.  I mean, I saw two positive tests before, yet I still didn’t have a baby in my arms.

Pregnancy

With each week that passed my hope for a successful pregnancy increased.  Carrying twins was HARD.  I ended up taking anti nausea medicine up until the day that I gave birth.  I struggled to just breath most days and don’t even ask me how much time I actually spent off of the couch.

I tried my hardest to appreciate the hard because there was a time before that where I longed to have morning sickness, I longed to waddle around uncomfortably, and I longed to watch my belly grow.  I knew that pregnancy was a true gift and it was one that I was not going to take for granted.

I encourage you...

So, from one woman who has gone through the heartache of infertility to another, I encourage you to find someone to talk to.  I’m not just talking about your spouse or your mother.  I urge you to find other women who are currently experiencing the same heartache and pain that you are going through.  Someone who knows what it feels like to long to be a mother.  Someone who has the same diagnosis as you.  Someone who has the same fears and anxieties as you.  Talk to someone who fully understands.

Because although you are most likely going through this with a loving spouse, a supportive family and friends, infertility is lonely. You often feel alone no matter how many people you have by your side.

Hope For the Hopeless

For those of you that are in the trenches of infertility, I want you to know that there is hope.  Although I know that most days it does not feel that way, I highly encourage you to not stop fighting for your babies.

Although you are experiencing great hurt right now, one day, you will hopefully be able to look back and appreciate this part of your story, no matter what the outcome.  I know that right now you are weathering the storm, some days you feel like you cannot go on, and it feels like the world is just passing you by.

Unfortunately I can’t promise that you will have a baby in your arms this year, next year, or even five years from now, but I can promise you that when you do, all of the heartache and pain will make a little more sense. The moment that my babies were placed in my arms, I knew that it was all worth it. They were worth it.

While infertility robbed me of so much, it also gave me more than I could have ever imagined. As I hold my twin girls, I know that every single tear shed, every dollar spent, every loss, every injection, every painful moment, both physically and emotionally, led me right to them.

My life has not gone according to my plans and for that I am forever grateful.  Without the hard parts, I would also not have my best parts.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plants to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Facebook: Rachel Beiting

Instagram: @rachelbeiting

 

☀️ CLICK HERE TO BUY THE BEST SOCKS ON THE PLANET TO HELP WOMEN WITH INFERTILITY! A portion of every single sale will go to an incredible woman experiencing infertility. They make the BEST gifts for women experiencing infertility to remind them they are loved OR to wear to your own appointments while working hard to grow your family to remind you that you have this community of women linking arms with you. You are incredible, sister!

CLICK HERE to join our safe, private Facebook group to meet other incredible women who are walking your path. ☀️

 To read Shelly McGrew's infertility Journey, click HERE.

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