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Christina Cary's IVF Journey

When my husband Ashly and I first got married, I actually thought to myself, my own worst nightmare would be having trouble starting a family. Regardless of the momentary doubt, as the years passed and the timing was right, we made the decision to begin trying. It was an intimate choice, planned and prayed over. After many months of no success, I started testing, and month after month, nothing. One year passed, two years passed and before we knew it, seven years had disappeared before our eyes. After multiple doctor visits, we knew the chances of us conceiving naturally were very slim. IVF (ICSI, in particular) was the right path and we leapt at the chance!

Nevertheless, one year ago today, we found out some of the saddest news we’ve ever been given. None of our three embryos had survived the incubation process. It was absolutely heartbreaking. The IVF journey can be very isolating. Even though there are many couples that experience it, most of the time they are only connected virtually. Most people we know as friends or family have had no issue conceiving naturally. 

 

Throughout the process, I felt both strong and immensely grateful. With every blood draw and ultrasound, hope resounded within my soul. I had the egg retrieval process with no anesthesia. Wide awake, wearing a mask and my glasses which subsequently fogged up, I watched a screen as those precious eggs were carefully extracted from my body. I could feel the needle. I could connect the dots of pain. Yet, I held the image of holding our baby in my arms steadfast. 

 

I read this recently and it brought me to tears, “I believe that is often how God works, not like a genie in a bottle, but more like the wind and rain over time, gently eroding and shaping our will until it resembles His.” I couldn’t agree more! This will be embedded on the hearts of our future sweet babes.

If ever something doesn’t occur exactly as you’d imagined it to, or unfolds quite differently than expected, learn to trust it. Change is inevitable, especially with IVF. You learn that there are truly no guarantees. You watch videos of others giving their injections and think, am I doing this right? Hope and faith become your best allies. And listening to others and their testimonies; a support system unlike any other. The endless shots are tough, but the true pain comes from the unknown, from the waiting and the questioning why you’ve been put on this path. Always remember, God gives His greatest battles to the strongest soldiers. Keep your sunshine, lean on those that truly love you from the inside out and know that your story will bring you the greatest of miracles in its own time.

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