Fast forward quite a few years later, and we have now gone through a total of 12 rounds of IVF, 7 rounds of IUI, and a miscarriage.
It took 5 rounds of IVF to get my two boys. After that, we had a surprise pregnancy that resulted in our daughter. After having her, I miscarried my fourth pregnancy. We wanted one more baby, so decided to start the process all over again. After 3 more IUI and 7 failed IVF attempts, we were mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. People would comment, “be grateful you have the children you have” and as true as that statement is, not being successful at our last attempts were still just as heartbreaking as the first. We felt like we had battled war after war, one let down after the next. Finally after much thought and prayer, we knew it was time to finish our journey trying for another baby.
It’s okay to feel hurt, then to push forward. My struggle with infertility over the years has taught me a few things: I am strong. Women are really, really strong. I can do incredibly hard things, and my marriage is stronger because of my discoveries and growth.
Having to deal with infertility has added immensely to my perspective of being a mother. There are many days when being a mom is still exhausting, even after praying your heart out for these little miracles. Motherhood is just hard, no matter what. But if you have children, never take for granted or forget how blessed you are. Every child is a gift and life is truly a miracle!
If you are struggling with infertility, please don’t be embarrassed. Know that infertility is not an inconvenience; it is a disease, and it is real! Find ways to take time for yourself: meditate, exercise, read a good book. Get a good cry in, and come back stronger. Do something for yourself that makes you feel good without feeling guilty about it! Whatever you do, know that you are not alone. Plato was really onto something when he said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting their own battle.” My experience with IVF has not only proven this statement to be true, but it has also become the fight song to guide me through this life.