Fast forward quite a few years later, and we have now gone through a total of 12 rounds of IVF, 7 rounds of IUI, and a miscarriage.
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I lied about doing IVF for over two years because I was ashamed. Ashamed that my body didn’t work the way others did, that my story didn’t play out as I imagined. I would tell my boss that I had a doctor, dentist, or financial advisor appointment—you name it, I used it! I would get excited when I thought of a new “excuse” that I could use to hide a fertility consultation, IUI treatment, or IVF egg retrieval. During those years of infertility, I lost myself in the emotional roller coaster and became unrecognizable to myself. I felt like I was failing as a woman and constantly felt isolated, anxious and hopeless. After three years, when I finally got pregnant with twins through IVF, I told my friends that I had twins in my family (which I do, so I told myself it wasn’t a lie). A few months after the twins were born, we were pleasantly surprised to find out we were pregnant with our son. Consequently, the news helped us conceal our fertility struggles further. I felt so proud of myself for “getting away” with doing IVF without anyone knowing. No one could judge my decisions or my body for not working.
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